he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
