I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
