i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
