There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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