he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
