What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
