insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
