Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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