Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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