I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
