My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
