Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
