If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
