Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
