Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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