actually, I'm a sock model
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
