I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
