good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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