every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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