Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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