did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
