Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
