I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
