I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
