Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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