I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
