I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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