It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
