She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
