I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
