The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
