toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
