Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
