Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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