If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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