Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
