I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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