Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
