Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
