you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
