That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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