Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
