Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
