Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
