fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
