I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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