this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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