i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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