there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
