wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
